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Sunday, February 20, 2011

Rainbows

As much as we love the sunshine, sometimes God let's it rain. And it rains, and it rains, and it rains. Really really hard. Its such a big storm, you end up losing power, and you try and function off the meager lights of a few candles. The wind seems to be ripping apart your house, and the thought enters and re-enters your mind that you just might not make it through this one, and you are certainly going to sustain some damage. You wish it would end.


And then, there is a slow change as the sky lightens up a bit and there are small breaks in the clouds. You see it. Even while it is still raining, the sky is brightened and beautified by the loveliest of rainbows. As you enjoy the wonder of it, a deeper realization stirs your spirit. You understand that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn't mean the storm never happened or that you are not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover, there will certainly be more rainy days, but the appearance of the rainbow provides a counter balance of beauty, color, and a sense of promise. Something stirs within your heart that seems to have barely survived. You feel it like you haven't since the storm first hit. It is hope.

In grieving circles, babies born to families after the loss of a child are often referred to as "Rainbow Babies". We are counting down the weeks, and praying with all of our hearts to bring our "rainbow baby" home. The hope and gift of him has brought healing and peace in a way that nothing else has since we said hello and goodbye to Mariah. But it is also a hard battle between faith and fear. I am quoting to myself daily, sometimes hourly, 2 Timothy 1:7: " For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." Next week we begin weekly stress tests and ultrasounds to keep a close eye on this little one. Whatever extra prayers and thoughts you may have in your home, would you please remember us? Especially me....I am so in need of "a sound mind". Eight weeks still seems so very very far away.

I can't imagine having come this long through the storm, and still not having a rainbow.
"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart"....

14 comments:

Dawn said...

Oh Cathrine, that was beautiful and so true. It is so so true that the rainbow doesn't wipe away the reality of the storm. I have never had this mental imagine in my head before.

I loved seeing the picture of you. I seriously only see your head every Sunday! I will be thinking and praying for you these last few weeks and can't wait to see him happily in your arms1

Dawn said...

" The hope and gift of him has brought healing and peace in a way that nothing else has since we said hello and goodbye to Mariah."

Happy to read that too.

Katherine and Andrew Bettilyon said...

I loved seeing a picture of you! Usually your blogs just have pictures of the children, it was good to see you! Sending lots of prayers your way!

Lynne said...

Oh!! Oh!! Oh!!! What a beautiful post on sooooooooo many levels. You're definitely in our prayers and have been every day for just years and years and years.........but, you know that!! You look healthy and happy and that's all this mama's heart can ask!

Rae said...

Oh Catherine, how I hope you feel the peace that I have been praying your way since we found out about this little one! I can't imagine the joy and terror that must all be combined in that little guy. Know that you are in my prayers daily and that I long to wrap my arms around you (and him...and the rest of your kids) again soon! LOVE to you my dear sister.

Jenn said...

That is so beautiful. You are in all of our prayers everyday. I love the picture of you too. That is one of my favorite scriptures. I know the Lord will help you through and we will pray extra prayers for you.

Likely said...

so sweet. I love that idea--- rainbow babies :)

you look beautiful. I told your husband to tell you I thought you looked like an angel conducting the music. You are a shining, beautiful woman!!!

Sarah Faria said...

Make me cry why don't you?! You are in all of my prayers!! I don't know what's going to work best for my parents but I'm hoping to come visit middle of March. I'm excited to make baby blankets and find things to keep us distracted for those last few weeks, and even play Cinderella if needed until I can be with my prince. ;) I love you!!! And I agree with every one else, you are beeeeautiful!!

The Pierce Family said...

You are in our prayers always! I think we should sneak away for another lunch date, don't you?

Michael C. said...

You are an amazing woman. I'm so happy to have your example in my life. Stay strong. All will be well! You are in my prayers! <3

seven smiles said...

praying for you

xoxo

kim said...

I know you must have your struggles sweet Catherine but I also know that our Savior's loving hand is in your life and sustaining you all through this stressful time. I LOVE YOU and can't wait to behold the beauty of this rainbow. Sooooo much love sis.

Cothran Family said...

That was a very beautiful way to describe your feelings. We are praying for you and your family. By the way, you look really good, seriously, FABULOUS!

Muffin said...

you amaze me! you look so cute! i, too, am amazed at how the Lord continues to bless me! With the loss of a child, how did you work up enough faith to "try" again? I'm so scared.....but I also know that there is always a rainbow at the end of the storm! I loved that analogy. Beautiful!