As much as we love the sunshine, sometimes God let's it rain. And it rains, and it rains, and it rains. Really really hard. Its such a big storm, you end up losing power, and you try and function off the meager lights of a few candles. The wind seems to be ripping apart your house, and the thought enters and re-enters your mind that you just might not make it through this one, and you are certainly going to sustain some damage. You wish it would end.
And then, there is a slow change as the sky lightens up a bit and there are small breaks in the clouds. You see it. Even while it is still raining, the sky is brightened and beautified by the loveliest of rainbows. As you enjoy the wonder of it, a deeper realization stirs your spirit. You understand that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn't mean the storm never happened or that you are not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover, there will certainly be more rainy days, but the appearance of the rainbow provides a counter balance of beauty, color, and a sense of promise. Something stirs within your heart that seems to have barely survived. You feel it like you haven't since the storm first hit. It is hope.
In grieving circles, babies born to families after the loss of a child are often referred to as "Rainbow Babies". We are counting down the weeks, and praying with all of our hearts to bring our "rainbow baby" home. The hope and gift of him has brought healing and peace in a way that nothing else has since we said hello and goodbye to Mariah. But it is also a hard battle between faith and fear. I am quoting to myself daily, sometimes hourly, 2 Timothy 1:7: " For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." Next week we begin weekly stress tests and ultrasounds to keep a close eye on this little one. Whatever extra prayers and thoughts you may have in your home, would you please remember us? Especially me....I am so in need of "a sound mind". Eight weeks still seems so very very far away.
I can't imagine having come this long through the storm, and still not having a rainbow.
"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart"....
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