Another milestone passed. No more temporary marker.
I would never have imagined being anxious for my child's burial marker to come in, but I was. I was ready to have the milestone of seeing her name engraved on stone over with. It was both painful and peaceful. It is just such a beautiful name, I love seeing it surrounded by the bow on top and the flowers on the bottom.
I also would never have imagined being a person who would frequent a grave site, but I do. It is both painful and peaceful. Painful, of course, because Mariah is not with me, but peaceful, because I know without a doubt where her spirit is.
I never thought it would be possible to love a cemetery, but I do. Actually, Mariah's cemetery isn't like most. It isn't even called a cemetery, it's called a memorial garden. There aren't headstones sticking up anywhere out of the ground at all, those always sort of creeped me out. This "memorial garden" is intended to look like....well, a garden. All of the markers are laid flat into the earth, and all you see from the road are lots and lots of flowers sticking up out of the ground, That doesn't creep me out at all. I actually think it is very sweet, and if I had to bury a child, I am glad it is in a "garden". Her special place is actually set aside just for babies, it is even called "Baby Land". And in a wierd way, that makes me feel better, too. I am not the only one who has suffered such a devastating loss. When I go to visit Mariah's special place, I pray for the other broken hearts of the parents that laid thier babies to rest, just like me. It is both painful and peaceful.
And I never would have imagined I would think a grave marker or a cemetary could ever be considered lovely. But I do.